Excellence is a hallmark of every successful individual, business, and team. Yet, the temptation is strong to settle for mediocrity or fall prey to perfectionism rather than pursue excellence. Pursuing excellence healthily is a challenge for many, and it becomes an even more complicated topic for parents raising teens. I am convinced that pursuing excellence is an essential life skill. It is not something that is necessarily innate or comes naturally to us; it is a skill that must be cultivated intentionally over time, no matter what the goal or endeavor for which we want to be excellent. 

I graduated from high school in 1990. In my generation (and this is also true of generations before us), if we were told to do something by a person in a position of authority, we typically did it--often without question. If we were asked to do something, we did it, perhaps out of fear of the consequences otherwise.

Fast forward 30 years, and I have now been in a position of authority with students for nearly two and a half decades as a teacher, coach, guidance counselor, and principal. During this time, I have seen a shift in the student mindset as it pertains to authority. 

[Editor's Note: The following has been adapted from an interview with former teacher and pastor Dave Runyon on the "Navigating Your Child's Education" podcast for parents. Make sure to check out the full conversation here.]

In our world today, we can share posts with the click of a button. We can copy a picture from Google images and use it in a variety of ways. There are endless images and words on the internet, and it is all so easily shareable. I don't think that giving appropriate credit for work, ideas, or words is emphasized. For young people, this shareable world is the only one they've known, and this reality presents a particular challenge as they grow into the middle and high school years: plagiarism. That is, using someone else's words or ideas without giving proper credit. 

In years past, many high school students and their parents followed a similar script as they planned for college: take the most challenging classes in high school to boost their GPA, be in as many extra-curricular activities as possible, earn the highest ACT or SAT score possible, apply to a college with said score, and get "in" based on the institution's formulaic criteria for admission. While this approach worked for many students to gain admission to colleges and universities in the past, the landscape of college admissions has changed significantly in the last few years. 

In 2018, a global study was conducted in several countries around the world to assess the mental health of incoming college freshman. Based on data collected and analyzed in this research project, the American Psychological Association reported that one in three college freshman "report symptoms consistent with a diagnosable mental health disorder." While their findings are alarming, they are not altogether surprising. 

The term "cancelled" is quite common in American culture nowadays. It no longer refers to things like a TV series that has run its course or a meeting that is not going to take place--it's frequently used to describe a person of influence or an organization that has been publicly called out and outcast for (perceived) wrongdoing. It could be as simple as one bad tweet or comment, either past or present, but the effects can be catastrophic. Celebrities can all but lose their careers, and companies can suffer extreme economic impacts. The phenomenon of being "cancelled" is not necessarily a new one (think: McCarthyism from the 1950's), but it has certainly become a widespread and accelerated experience largely thanks to social media.

According to an article in Medical News Today, there was a new study posted in the journal Child Development that shows "teenagers with close friendships tend to be more adaptive to stress, report being happier due to an increased feeling of uniqueness, and are likely to do better academically. Additionally, they have high self-esteem and are more assertive." This probably isn't earth-shattering news to you, because I'm sure adults could say, "SAME." Human beings have a better quality of life, feel more hopeful, connected and a sense of purpose when they are in healthy relationships--romantic, family, friends, etc.

Over the last five years, I've had the honor to work with youth who have been victims of human trafficking, and a key to both helping to prevent victims and a key to healing is healthy relationships. It's such a significant part of our lives, and yet is also one of the most complicated and potentially hurtful parts of our lives as well. My hope is to talk a little bit about what healthy/unhealthy relationships have to do with human trafficking and how you, as a parent, can engage with your teen on this topic.

A school board in southeast Tennessee recently decided to remove the Pulitzer-prize winning Holocaust graphic novel "Maus" from its language arts curriculum, deeming its content unsuitable for eighth-grade students. Another local school district outside of Nashville decided to remove the book "Walk Two Moons" from its elementary curriculum following parental complaints about its content. These two decisions have received national attention, stirring controversy about what content is appropriate for students to read, when, why, and who is responsible for making those decisions.

The notion of "school choice" is not a new one, but discussions around it are perhaps increasing in a new way. It seems to be that when a particular pattern or way of being is interrupted or disrupted, this creates a natural pause and cause for re-thinking the 'status quo.' This is perhaps the case with the education system in the United States in the present moment. The traditional education system in the US (and around the world) was fully disrupted in 2019.

Since that time, many new conversations and considerations have surface among educators, administrators, educational advocates, legislators, and parents. Rather than being able to maintain "school as usual," this has been a time to question on a deeper level: what are the needs of the modern learner, what is the best way to deliver meaningful education opportunities to students in our day and age, is the traditional school model the most effective way of teaching and learning? For parents, the questioning is on a much more personal level: what truly is the best educational approach for my children?

The vast majority of college-level courses involve two large, overarching assessments at the halfway point and the end: midterms and finals. For any high school student planning to attend college, gaining experience in taking midterms and finals is a crucial part of their preparation for the next level of education. This preparation at the high school level--to help students develop the skills they need to have future success in taking college midterms and exams--is really two-fold. Naturally, high school midterms and exams provide opportunities for academic preparation, but they can also be a sort of emotional preparation for students as well. 

Homework.

Those assignments, questions, problems, projects, papers that teachers give to students to complete outside of regular classroom time.

It seems to be part and parcel of the formal schooling experience. Students have homework. That's just the way school "works." 

Yet, in spite of its seeming simplicity and central place within education, homework is quite a controversial issue. It has strong proponents and fierce opponents among administrators, teachers, parents, and students at all levels of education. 

In the past two years, I came across a disease that I’d never heard of but almost immediately knew I was suffering from. I looked at the list of symptoms for this disease and quickly diagnosed myself. Behavior characterized by continually rushing and feeling anxious, always feeling short of time, being flustered when encountering (even minor) delays—I most certainly came down with what has risen to become an underlying norm that pervades our culture: hurry sickness.

Parents: think back to your own school days.

Can you recall things you were asked or expected to learn but you couldn’t understand why? Perhaps you didn’t think they were important?

Can you remember things you learned or tried to learn because you thought they were important, but to this day you don’t really understand them or are able to explain them?

Were you ever asked to learn things for which you saw no purpose?

Did you ever ask the question, “Why do we have to learn this?”

The answer, in many cases, is “yes” to all of these.

In many ways, money is a taboo topic in our culture. Most of us don’t dare talk about how much money we make or spend. We hold financial information close to the chest, as a very private matter. So, when it comes to discussing money and teaching our kids about finances, it can be a challenge. From a young age, kids begin to understand that in order to get the things they want or need, money is required. However, the complexities of saving, giving, and investing money do not come naturally to a child and must be taught and reinforced over time.

Even at an early age, students begin to ask the legitimate question, “Why are we learning this?” By the time a student reaches high school, they have likely perfected asking this question.

[Editor's Note: This blog post is an adapted excerpt from the Navigating Your Child's Education Podcast episode "What makes a good coach?" featuring a candid conversation with Coach Hartings. Make sure to check it out here.]

With over half of high school students across the U.S. competing in interscholastic sports, it’s safe to say that coaches have a strong influence on our young people. In my own journey as an athlete, parent, and coach, I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of coaching. Coaches can have a tremendous impact on their players—both positive and negative. It’s important for parents to carefully consider who is influencing their children when it comes to athletics and coaching.

The landscape of college admissions has changed significantly since 2020. Perhaps the biggest change to college admissions policy has been that many colleges and universities have made standardized tests (the ACT and SAT) optional rather than a requirement. Long hailed as the chief benchmark of college admissions, optional test score submission deeply affects the entire process.

“My History teacher hates me.”

“My English teacher has it out for me.”

“My science teacher wants me to fail.”

I believe that we have all, at one point in our lives and educational experiences, had a teacher whom we were convinced didn't like us! As students ourselves we likely thought this about a particular teacher or professor, and now we hear it from our own high school-aged children.

As another year (and WHAT a year!) is in the books, we are invited into a season of reflection on the last twelve months, as well as a time to set goals for the coming year. From a mental and emotional health standpoint, this process is especially important this year. For a year unlike any other we've experienced, it's a unique opportunity to sit down as a family to reflect on the past and dream about the future. 

I've found myself nodding in agreement and bowing in shame to much of the parenting advice I’ve ever received — feeling emboldened and inadequate all at the same time. There has been one piece of advice, though, that came like a refreshing drink of water (or maybe a slap in the face). It’s equal parts simple and overwhelming. It’s advice that continuously causes me to re-think my habits and makes obsolete many of the strategies and tips which tend to paralyze us.

Confession: I was that weird kid in high school that actually liked Spanish class. Prior to my sophomore year in high school, I'd never had any experience with a foreign language. I was quickly enthralled. The verb conjugation charts, the strange new phonetics of familiar letters, the shared vocabulary spoken in different ways, the completely novel vocabulary that just had to be memorized--it all made my brain so happy in a way I'd never experienced before. And I began to realize that there was so much about my first language I didn't know, like what in the world an adverb is and how English pronunciation rules make no sense.

In his play "As You Like It," William Shakespeare uses the line "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts..." As cliché as is it to use a quotation from Shakespeare to begin a theatre blog post, those particular lines highlight the permeating nature of theatre as an art form. It’s not just about “play[ing] many parts” on a stage in a dark room.

For the final lesson I teach my eighth grade students at the end of each school year, I want it be something they will remember long after they leave my classroom. In the days leading up to this final lesson, I challenge them to ask the questions that will matter most as they navigate high school and life beyond like "What are wisdom and truth and where do they come from?" and "What am I consuming?" My final charge to them is to practice self-reflection as they progress in life and consider whether they are conforming or transforming. 

In Part 2 (of 3) of my "High School Survival Guide," I share some thoughts on the power and influence of the culture around us, as well as an embarrassing story from my own adolescence. In addition to the question, "What is wisdom and truth and where do we find them?", I also encourage my students to ask themselves...

I have taught hundreds of seventh and eighth graders over the last 15 years. I love getting to know my students, watching them grow in their knowledge of the Bible, and seeing them spiritually mature over time. As I prepare to send my eighth grade students off to high school at the end of each year, I finish the school year with three questions I want them to carry. I call it a "High School Survival Guide," but you won't find a road map to picking the right classes, earning top academic honors, who to hang out with, what extra-curriculars to join or how to determine your future career. While all those things certainly have value, what I want my students to take with them is something on a deeper level. 

Amidst all of the difficult and heartbreaking things happening in our world today, there is a new, unique beauty emerging. And I believe there’s something we can all gain from it. I wonder if, perhaps, we will all be able to see the big picture a little more clearly in the future.

Parents, teachers, and students have had to make significant adjustments to a new normal in recent weeks. We are all feeling these adjustments in various ways: limited our out-of-home movement, restricted in-person social interaction, and endless cancelled activities and plans. And perhaps one of the biggest shifts is working and studying at home.

For students and parents trying to navigate changes in school work and instruction delivery, many of us are experiencing a whole new learning curve. Here are some tips to move us all toward success in distance and online learning...

Back when I taught in a classroom, I was fond of telling my students, "Whenever you learn something that is true that you did not know before, you become more like God."

If God's mind is omniscient and He knows everything about everything, then learning is the process of having our minds formed to be more like His. Even a person who rejects God unwittingly reflects the imago Dei that an unbeliever retains when he learns something true. How does that work and what does it mean for education?

Human communication has taken on a whole new flavor of creativity as technology continues to increase and expand. Particularly in the realms of social media and texting, people rely on more than just the written word to express themselves. We now have emoticon, emojis, Bitmoji, filters, and more to add a visual component to our words. For my generation (Gen Z), videos, GIFs and memes are part of our native language. As such, it's a good idea for parents to stay up-to-date on the meaning of GIFs and memes popular among teens.

I may be a glutton for punishment, but I love the Israeli wilderness. It’s one of my favorite places to take people during study tours in the Holy Land. It’s barren, hot, and rocky. It’s what I imagine being on Mars must feel like. Needless to say, it’s certainly not a walk in the park. However, there’s an unseen beauty in the wilderness.

I think of the wilderness as one of God’s favorite classrooms to teach His People. It’s a place He takes them to learn who He is, who they are, and how they should live.

For over 25 years, I have presented to audiences at high schools and college fairs. Before I present, I ask a number of questions to better understand my audience. One question I ask is how many folks in attendance have either high school juniors and/or seniors. Invariably, the majority raise their hand and I (somewhat) jokingly respond that for these parents, it is not a financial aid presentation night, but a financial aid “panic” night. While the audience is kind and either smile or chuckle, for the majority this is a fact: families have not adequately planned and saved for college costs.

According to Forbes magazine publisher and author Rich Karlgaard, our society today is obsessed with early achievement. He suggests that parents and the education system itself push students to take all of the hardest courses, earn the highest grades, achieve the best test scores and gain admission to the most prestigious universities. As an educator and parent of a high school senior with younger children moving into high school, I have witnessed and experienced this reality first-hand.

I recently published my latest book, Late Bloomers: The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement. Below is a question-and-answer session I did with Psychology Today soon after the book’s release. I’ve edited it exclusively for "Navigating Your Child's Education: Blog for Parents." I am also coming to central Ohio on Thursday, February 13, 2020 to speak to parents on this topic. Click on the picture below for more information.

Every year, I have hundreds of interactions at college fairs and high school visits with students who approach me with a nervous and apprehensive look. With sadness, they admit that their GPA isn’t as high as they would like it to be, or that they don’t do well on standardized tests like the ACT or SAT. My message to those students is always the same, and it’s the same message I give to you today:

Over the last two decades, the trend of sport specialization has hit an all-time high in youth athletics. More and more young athletes are specializing: devoting their energy, time, and ability to one singular sport. Many club sports play eleven months out of the year. School sports teams play their season and often spend the remainder of the year in extended workouts, team training camps, and skill-building sessions. In addition to team commitments, it’s not uncommon for individuals to hire private trainers to help them further develop their abilities.

Each October, the National Family Partnership (formerly the National Federation of Parents for Drug Free Youth) has a "Red Ribbon Campaign" to raise awareness about drug use amongst teens.

Addictions come in all shapes and sizes.  Some are more sinister than others, cocaine verses chocolate for example.  Some are more acceptable than others, consider addiction to work compared with addiction to pornography.  But all come from being enslaved to the wrong master.  Often we are unaware of the fact that we have been shackled until we try to break loose.

Life. One minute we’re a teenager and the next minute we’re raising one. Don’t you remember being a carefree teen driving our social lives into action with the windows down and the radio up? Mom and dad helped with gas, provided our every meal and did our laundry. Some of us worked because we could, not because we had to. We worked out because we could, not because we had to (ugh). Then off to college where the great big world awaited, exposing us to different perspectives, new pedagogies, opportunities for endless mistakes, and possibly our faith sacrificed on the altar of compromise. Next, we navigated careers, marriage, sleepless nights with babies, toddlers, teens challenging our battered brains, all the while plowing full steam ahead on this journey called life. Extemporaneous challenges can await at each new turn, plowing us right off a cliff if we refuse to process life as it progresses. We’ve seen the wreckage countless times--often tempted to join debauchery’s debris--for none of us are immune.

Anxiety is something that affects all ages in our society, but it is especially prevalent in the high school years. While high school has always been marked by increasing independence and preparing for adulthood, they are arguably more challenging now than ever before due to the busyness of our culture, the pressures and prevalence of after-school activities and the often-consuming use of technology.

Mom says: “Why are you watching Stranger Things? Don’t you have any homework?”

Student replies: “Nope.”

How many times has this very conversation played out in your home?

Many students erroneously believe that if homework has not been assigned or is already completed and no quizzes or tests have been scheduled for the next day, then homework doesn’t exist.

Parents, this is not necessarily the case. In fact, there is hardly ever a time during the school year when your student doesn’t have at least something that they should be studying or reviewing.

I have had the privilege of pacing the sidelines at hundreds of amateur sporting events, beginning in my high school days and continuing over the past 36 years. It has always been a delicate balancing act because in most cases, I usually have a vested interest in the game at hand as a player, a parent, a fan, or as a teacher. But I am also a professional photographer, and I have a job to do covering such games.

During my career as a photographer, I have seen the full gamut of sportsmanship and conduct, from noteworthy to notorious. I have witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly, sometimes even in the same night. But I have one particular experience that lifted my heart, blessed me beyond measure, and exemplified for me the essence and power of Christian sportsmanship.

My kids were essentially sick for an entire month last winter. I cleaned up more vomit in a month than I have in a lifetime and it’s a miracle that our son didn’t end up in the hospital dehydrated. Throughout the week, my wife Sarah and I shuffled our schedules so that we could take turns being with the kids while the other went to work, but eventually the Sunday morning alarm went off.

Education--learning--is not necessarily the pathway to truth.

Paul told Timothy that the men of today would be “always learning but never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (II Timothy 3:17). In his letter to the Romans, Paul says that men, in an attempt to prove that they are wise, will suppress the truth and, claiming to be wise, become fools--their minds and hearts darkened (Romans 1:21-22). Even the Pharisees, the religious leaders of Jesus' day, searched the Scriptures, but Jesus told them that they had no idea what the truth was. He stood right in front of them and they didn't comprehend; they had blind minds and blind hearts (Matthew 23:16-17, for example).

Father. Simple to become. Really hard to be…at least in the fullest and best sense of the word: a critical constituent in the raising (bringing up, rearing, nurturing, looking after, caring for, taking care of, providing for, tending, protecting, cherishing, education and training) of a child.

So much of our lives and society is compartmentalized and segmented. It’s easy to think, “Worship happens at church; pastors are responsible for biblical teaching and discipleship. Learning about the world happens at school; teachers are responsible for disseminating knowledge. Experiencing relationships happens at home and with friends; parents are responsible for teaching their children about love, grace, and forgiveness.” While these assumptions and responsibilities are in part correct, they do not fully represent how Scripture prescribes our lives.

While reading a good book might not be at the top of your teen's summer priorities, summer reading is nonetheless important for continued development of literacy skills, expanded vocabulary, creativity cultivation and success in the coming academic year. The key to encouraging your busy teen to read this summer is to find what interests them.

Epistemology is a big word that simply describes the currency with which schools operate. A school’s and culture’s epistemology is its theory of knowledge; namely, what knowledge is and how it is acquired. And the truth is, our culture and our schools have been experiencing a significant epistemological crisis that is having tremendous consequences in our schools, our culture, and even our churches.

Applause.

Nothing is more insidiously dangerous than the pursuit of the applause of men. Nothing is more temporary, more meaningless than the applause of men.

A scan of a news feed or glance at today’s headlines quickly reveals one of our society’s most profound issues: division. It seems that everywhere we turn, there is increasing hostility and disunion. We as a nation are increasingly polarized by our gender, race, sexual orientation, political views, socio-economic status, and religious convictions. Sadly, the Church is not immune to society’s divisive, even combative influence.